Slippery Slope

We all have adverse periods that come from time to time.  Perhaps it is the stress of school or of trying to find a job in a tough job market.  Maybe it is sickness or the death of someone close.  It could be due to a realization of diminished skills in a competitive market or, even worse, diminished capacity due to failure of mind or body. 

One of the things that I’m experiencing at the present time is some adversity.  It has been many years without a period of troubles for me. Two types of things I have observed about myself. 

First, I get angry and feel that the situation is not fair.  I can make a cogent argument about particular individuals’ rudeness, the inequities in the job market, etc.  I then can get vengeful and even make plans of how to get back at people, organizations, or the system.  But, then I think about the suicide bombers. Like a lot of Americans, I wonder how can they think such actions can help their cause.  However, when I become bitter and feeling sorry for myself, I can see how frustrated young men who have no chance for getting a job and following their dreams could strike back in the horrible ways we’ve been seeing in the Middle East and even Boston.  When anger, frustration and impotence takes over, rational behavior dissipates. It is a slippery slope.

The second thing that these feelings trigger are memories of prior incidents from my past.  I remember not being able to find a job in Cincinnati in 1976 and sleeping on my sister’s couch for months while typing cover letters to go out with resumes.  I remember getting stiffed for a rent deposit by a landlord.  I remember adding up the bills that my wife and I had as a young couple with a new baby and realizing that there was not enough income to meet our very frugal expenses.   I also recall with chagrin that I didn’t always respond appropriately and had regrets for a letter written or a conversation conducted.  The Newtonian law about every action having an equal and opposite reaction is true in personal behavior as it is in physics.  My responses of blowing off steam may or may not have had any direct result but there was regret on my part. And, I don’t know what may have been the long term effect on those caught in the shock waves of my actions. 

With this reflection I can only try to better manage myself in the current situation.  I realize that I need to recognize the anger but I should not respond to immediate wounds.  I can only work to improve my situation by changing my approach and to not give in to despair.  I can also remember those who have situations much worse than my own.  The Palestinian men, the civilians caught in the wars in Syria or Congo, the minorities that are discriminated against, the inequity of pay for women, or those who are chattel in their cultures.  Not only does such reflection give me better perspective now but I need to keep these things in mind when my relatively miniscule issues are resolved.